If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
