Your face is a jimmy john
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
