Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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