He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
