Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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