Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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