Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
