jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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