Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You dont lie about slip and slides
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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