I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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