Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
