Porn is love you can see.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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