How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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