you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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