Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize