there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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