I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
