I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
