Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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