Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
