Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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