Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
