I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
