i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
