Me. At least after what I've been through.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
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