all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
