My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
