Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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