The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
