At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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