I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
