he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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