it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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