I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
