Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
