Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
