my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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