Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The adults are the big ones right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
