I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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