did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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