exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
