We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
