there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
