everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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