My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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