dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
