And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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