As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
