i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Only a mothe r could love this liver
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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