Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
