if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
