so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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