Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
