WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize