Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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