There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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