yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
