Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
