Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
