He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
