you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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