the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
