idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
