Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
