I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just gift wrapped bread.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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