I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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