Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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