know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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