just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
