You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
