I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
