FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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