I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
