im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
