I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
