How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
