even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize