Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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