shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
