She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
