My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
