We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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