What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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