Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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