So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
