and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i think i just lost a toe
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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