Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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