if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
