i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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