I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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