I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
